“No! Don’t make me go back!”
This is not a quote from DB. This is how I feel at the end of those rare occasions when I catch a whiff of what life was like in the years B.C. (before child).
A few weeks ago I visited by myself with a group of college friends. (Thanks for the babysitting, Mom!) How remarkable it is to have adult conversations, in which people look you in the eyes when they talk, and wait for you to finish your thought, and never once bring up the subject of garbage trucks. This weekend a dear old friend came for a visit and claimed that when he wants to go do something, he goes and does it, without even considering whether he has brought along enough Pull-Ups and toy cars. It’s hard to go back to being the sole proprietor of Mommy & Son Enterprises after tasting those kinds of freedoms.
DOF pointed out, however, that my individual rights were not terminated when DB arrived. I am allowed to have other interests that my son does not share. And I could even take a few minutes to myself to pursue them - while DB is in the house – without being branded a bad mother. Shocking.
But true. In the healthiest families the children feel loved and cared for, and feel that their needs and wants count for something – but they also know unequivocally that they are Not In Charge.
Amen, sister. These kinds of revelations are what makes getting some space from one’s progeny every so often important. To some extent, you’re in an age and stage of his development in which your personal freedom can look like it’s gone for good. The more he grows and the more you ask him to do for himself, the more he and you will find that he can. On vacation this year (with kids in tow), Paige and I each read 3 books. That wouldn’t have been possible even last year. But please don’t take this as a “wait; it’ll get better” comment. Take those steps you can take now for daily personal sanity and differentiated identity.